Any change in life comes with consequences; navigating these consequences is often the first stumbling block to lasting change.
The road to deep and profound self knowledge is one of the most liberating we can travel; however, it is often not a short trip, and it isn’t always a pleasant one either. Challenging our own innermost thinking and beliefs can lead to turbulence and disrupted service. It’s akin to changing our shoelaces whilst running a marathon. So why on earth would anyone undertake such a mission?
The wisest thing I ever wrote is:
Nothing is a problem, until it becomes a problem for you, and then change is inevitable.
It stands to reason that continuing along the same road you have always travelled, doing the same things you have always done, will lead to more of the same showing up for you. That only becomes a problem if you are unsatisfied; if you are registering discord in your life such as unhappiness, confusion, frustration, boredom, overwhelm, or a lack of joy and fulfilment. Instead of spending time in quiet contemplation, which is a good place to start looking for answers, we humans tend to prefer engaging in distraction behavior. We take up a new hobby, or start a new sport, change our partners, get plastic surgery, move to a new home, travel overseas… anything outside of ourselves, and we are exceptionally creative at this. We find myriad ways to move ourselves around in circles without actually changing a thing about ourselves on any, but the most surface level; and we end up right back where we started, in discord.
There are so many resources available to us, from journaling, to meditation, therapy to courses, workshops and discussion groups. Anything that gets us onto the framework of questioning our own thinking. It is startling once this journey is in progress to discover how much of our lives is lived unconsciously, playing out patterns of behavior that we learned as children. Motivated by the opinions of others who had the care of us during our formative years. If we were not taught, and haven’t yet learned to question and explore the world for ourselves, we will likely end up living someone else’s ideal version of who we are. This seldom leads to fulfilment and joy. We make allowances for our discontent and we accommodate the discomfort, anything not to rock the boat. It’s a much wiser choice to begin to challenge our thinking and to learn to understand why we act and think the way we do… and what we truly feel underneath all of that learning.
Exposing ourselves to thinking that differs from ours allows us to stretch and grow and form our own opinions. This is why the clinging together in like-minded groups is such a dangerous thing. Yes, it has a degree of sameness-comfort, but it is seldom challenging. I would go so far as to say nothing worth knowing or having is ever found in our comfort zones. The challenge, once we step out of that comfort zone and finally begin to adopt different thinking that is more aligned with our true nature, is that we can alienate some of the people in our circle. We create unspoken contracts with everyone in our lives based on need or knowledge (either they fulfil a need we have, or they embody or provide information we desire). Often we choose the people who will agree with, and back up our way of living and thinking, and whose behaviors support our way of life. It stands to reason then that as we begin to change our way of thinking and showing up, this ripples out through our micro communities, our nearest and dearest, our friend groups, our colleagues… and we can experience some very real push-back.
In an attempt to maintain the status quo, others will either tell us off for making waves, or they will attempt to reindoctrinate our thinking in line with our unspoken contracts, or they will punish us with evasive behavior. Either way we have reached our first stumbling block. Many a soul questing for their personal truth will back track and capitulate at this point, uncertain of their new way of thinking and being. There’s no problem with that. They will simply experience more of the same life that sent them questing for self knowledge in the first place… and so back to change we go, or not.
The incredible thing about the onboarding of new information, is that once you know something, you can never unknow it. Once you have triggered your brain’s thirst for new knowledge and quest for answers, you will find it almost unbearable to live contentedly in your old life. This is especially true if your new knowledge and learning leads to a happier, freer, more liberated version of yourself. Does this mean that you need a whole new social circle in order to navigate the change in your life? Of course it doesn’t. With enough grace, we can accept any amount of difference from the people we love. The ones who never really loved you in the first place may very well fall away. People who needed you to show up in a certain way to justify and add layering to their thinking, will most likely depart and look for new contacts to bolster their lives. Those are the dead weight in life and you will have lost nothing by their departure.
If change leads to you feeling lighter in mind, body and soul, how can it be a bad thing, and who is worth abandoning or turning your back on that for? You are free to do so of course, but I imagine the price will be too high, and before long you will be back on your journey to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with yourself.
As always, I offer you my understanding of things. I encourage you at all times to question and decide for yourself what you want to accept and onboard. I am always interested to hear your opinions and I encourage feedback. However, it is essential to understand this vital truth as we journey together:
We don’t have to agree on a single thing to be kind to one another.
So, disagree with me by all means, own your different perspective, but please remain respectful of other’s beliefs and journeys.
Treat yourself with EMpathy and EMbolden yourself to dream. EMerge from your learned way of being, allowing yourself to celebrate life as you EMbrace your full potential. EMancipate yourself from your limitations, EMpowering yourself to live with greater clarity and joy!
Until next time, be kind to one another and honor yourself as the unique and incredibly special soul that you are.
© Copyright 2020 – Janice Melmed
Janice Melmed 